Innocence_splintered

Hidden behind the walls we create to survive, there is a lonely child in each of us, instincts teach us to hide our terrible feelings behind these inner walls, the shadowy areas of our being.  All mayhems and darkness’s! Loneliness that creates but mostly destroys!   Hurts and pain can transform into the energy that pushes some forward, but others fail miserably.  Terrible loneliness, fragile and helpless, fear and anguish, a sense of guilt, there’s nothing to compare these to.   To feel confused, to feel misunderstood, to feel unwanted, to feel unloved, what to compare these to?! Unable to trust self and others, unable to name the pain, self-accusation remains.  However, life wants to live!

The strong aroma of ghee rice spread around the apartment and the little one (not so little anymore, he turned 16 today) dashed into the pantry “mom, its ghee rice for lunch? Thank you mom, I love you”. The sloppy cook that I am, I play my trump card when I have unexpected guests or on special occasions and it’s Ghee rice and Beef curry. Friendship! What has ghee rice to do with friendship?! Speaking about friendship, we hear different kinds of friends, friends from childhood, school, college, workplace, etc. etc. A special day for friendship! We wake up to a lot of friendship quotes each day. My friend Shiny, that’s my connection with ghee rice and friendship! Some 16-17 years back, we visited our friends in Sharjah, my husband’s friend and his wife, the newly wedded couple. We could relate easily, no inhibitions, no uneasiness, an innocent young girl and a silly me. We went into the kitchen and with no apprehensions she started out with lunch preparations, ghee ri...

Was having this casual discussion with the boys on climate change and environment and how man is destroying mother earth for his selfish pleasures... as the discussions turned emotional it altogether had a different twist….Sharing my childhood memories did indeed make them feel horribly disappointed on the growing up fun they missed. I remember while a kid, at the back yard of my house where I lived, there was this large open land, filled with lots of trees and shrubs….a small pond that was part of a free flowing lake surrounded by mangroves……where did all that go!!! I can still recollect this plant called ‘konthamani chedi’ from which we get hard shelled seeds and I believed that rosary was made out of it….or was it really out of it, until plastic took over….hmmm well…you can only ponder, there’s no one exactly to give explanations to that past…the loved ones of the era have slowly taken place behind the curtains of memory. I love to reminisce on those childhood days, where yo...

Ms. Cabot Homo sapiens, descendants of apes you are, she said, we believed, for she had proof, We giggled and that was it! cotyledons, monocot and dicot, the tiny seed that gives roots and shoots phloem and xylem transmitting life to branches and leaves pinnate and compound petals, sepals, calyx and ovary, o yes, an ovary in a flower and we believed, hibiscus and petunia cross sections and transverse sections laid before us for proof, vertebrates and invertebrates she differentiated all animals to molluscs, crustaceans, echinoderms, the words came flowing reptiles, amphibians, avians and mammals a look at the class and she asks “in which do man belong to?” avians a silly girl answers, “oh she lays eggs” comes the answer another giggle and that stuck to memory forever! engaging she was, and effective in discipline always a no nonsense but interesting class…

Let not the differences between your parent and their siblings hinder your love and respect for your aunts and uncles. They deserve your love and respect irrespective of their equation with your parents and it is your duty too. Listen to your parents if they have any grievances and empathize but do not let it take over you and reach out to your cousins without any prejudice in mind, if you feel they need your moral support … that’s a life lesson.

It's your choice to be happily ever after..... Twenty + years of wedded life is not a big deal, and shouldn’t be….but…the more we hear about divorces within a couple of years or for that matter within the very same year of marriage, it really seems like an achievement. Achievement of two people who pledged to ‘adjust’ their lives to sync with each other…LOL…I know there will be a chuckle there… Ingredients to a ‘happy’ married nah… I won’t say ‘happy’….. a long(er) lasting married life…. “shit load of humour sense, a deaf ear (only one should be deaf) yeah and if you like add one blind eye too great!, patience (kshamayude nellipalaka….no noolpalaka!!), a heart to apologize when you feel you are wrong, (not really necessary for the lady, the man would/should), an appreciating tongue for whatever the partner churns out of the kitchen, equal participation in bringing up the kids, their education and disciplining, equal importance for partner in decision making, …..well its...

BLISS!! After over 48 hours of agony and fear, he was laid upon my chest, wet but warm, hand in the air, the long fingers searching for something to grip on to. I offered the index finger of my hand that was free of cannula and tubes to which he held on to slightly whimpering. I placed the other hand lightly over him, felt like soft marshmallow, too delicate, I was scared to hold on for fear my rough hard hands might hurt him. The head which is supposed to be the hardest too seemed soft, it worried me if my hands with press on to his brain. Everywhere I touch I could feel the veins pulsating, the heart thudding against the chest so fast that made me think something is wrong. Gripped with fear and anxiety I looked for assurance towards the midwife, she seemed apathetic, I liked the Russian nurse on night duty, she was very considerate, I felt good when she held on the nitrous oxide mask and rubbed my forehead each time I cringed in pain.  A while ago the wholly worn out me was stru...